He’s Here!

So let’s see, I have an almost eight week old which means I’ve been wanting to write a post for about oh let’s say eight weeks!

Subway subs at 10 pm…sure why not?

As well as I tried to prepare for motherhood, I don’t think I could have ever have grasped the complete fog that encompasses your life when you bring a new baby home.  Days of the week and times of day are completely irrelevant.  We no longer have breakfast, lunch and dinner just (easy) meals at various times of day.

Breastfeeding is hard, like really hard.

Nothing will shoot down your confidence more than being the food source for another human and being told they’re not gaining enough weight.  I think I cried after the baby’s first four doctor’s appointments/weight checks.  The conclusion was he’s a lazy baby and likes to fall asleep when he’s eating. I figured he must be full if he’s asleep.  I’ve learned a few tricks to keep him awake and perk him up but it’s still not easy.  Between the physical demands on your body, pumping, figuring out outfits you can nurse in etc. is a job.  I give props to moms that do this for any amount of time.

80% of what I read in baby books has gone out the window.

Being on bed rest a month before the baby was born allowed me plenty of time to read up on motherhood.  I made a list of all the do’s and don’t’s I felt were important for my baby.  Well let’s just say most of that has been a wash already, and it’s all ok.  Every book I read said to avoid bottles for the first six weeks of life if you plan on nursing.  If a baby has a bottle he will apparently never want to nurse again.  Well my boy had a bottle in the hospital (and believe it or not I cried) and he’s absolutely fine nursing.  It also allows me some freedom to have my husband feed the baby as well as have a date night (well a few hours out more like it).  I was also dead set against giving our baby a pacifier.  Again, he’ll never nurse if he has a pacifier.  Our first night back from the hospital was a nightmare, and I felt that if we used a pacifier it might have alleviated some of our problems.  I of course had to ask our pediatrician and she gave us the green light to use one.  Again he’s fine and he’s been a wonderful sleeper!

I needed more help than I anticipated.  

Don’t get me started about paternity leave.  Dads need way more than five days home with the baby.  Three days of my husband’s paternity leave were spent at the hospital, so I only had two days home with him before he went back to work.  I’m so thankful my mom was able to come and help me.  I had to have a C section so I not only was recovering from major surgery but was also taking care of a tiny human as well.  Without help it would have been impossible for me to take the baby to his appointments or even shower and eat.

Terror out weighed joy at first.  

The baby blues are very real, and I’m finally starting to feel more like myself.  I never could have anticipated the amount of love I experience when I first saw my son.  However, at first that love I felt manifested itself into pure anxiety after we left the hospital.  I questioned my abilities to be a good mom and worried about anything and everything that could possibility happen to him.  Add hormones on top of that and I was terrified.  I would literally cry when the sun started to go down because night time seemed so scary.   I felt so guilty that I was experiencing this joyful life event with a beautiful healthy baby but yet I felt the way I did.

Getting out of the house is complicated but worth it.  

Between bed rest and recovering after delivery I felt pretty isolated.  About a week after the baby was born my husband dropped me off at Trader Joe’s and I had never imaged I could feel so happy picking out lettuce.  We’ve pushed ourselves to do things with the baby whether it’s a walk outside or a trip to see friends.  Knowing I can take him out and he can go places has helped me so much mentally.  Of course he comes with a lot of accessories but still worth it!

Even the most insignificant tasks are complicated.

I feel pretty impressed by the fact my toe nails are painted.  I don’t remember when I painted them but they’re done!  With a baby the simplest things are really accomplishments!  Taking a shower, making a meal, blowdrying my hair… I make a to do lists for myself every days and I’m lucky if I get to half of what I want/need to do even if my list is just to pay a bill, go for a walk with Sophie and do some laundry.  Having a newborn has tested my time management skills for sure.

Trader Joe is new BFF.

Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten my roots as a vegan blogger, we are just in survival mode over here.  Between the nausea of pregnancy and having a baby I haven’t put in too much time in the kitchen but I’m getting back into it.  Stay tuned…